10 Things that get in the way of Relationship and Connection
Being heard and accepted is a deep need in all humans. Providing that space for another through attentive listening can be very satisfying and fulfilling, and is necessary for both our intimate and professional relationships. The flow of sharing and listening within a relationship leads to meaningful depth.
We sometimes ignore or don’t realize that it is our hidden defenses, and subtle body language that is curtailing communication, connection and negatively impacting our relationships, so we’ve designed this week’s exercise to help you discover if your defenses get in the way of your relationships.
This exercise is for you if you are caught in a pattern of communication that is not fulfilling or failing to foster your relationships. It could be that you find yourself in this pattern with your spouse, sibling, or child or with your boss, client or patient. Regardless of who you want to improve communication with, this exercise can help you to identify and become aware of your communication patterns.
This Week’s e-Training Exercise
Take a moment to read each question, one at a time, and write some examples and notes so that you can become aware of your communication patterns.
The top ten indications of when your defenses are in the way:
- Do you quickly categorize people you meet or see? Or do you come to quick judgments about situations and events (even on the news)?
- Do you tend to be focused on either differences or similarities of opinion?
- Are you not always aware, or aware too late, of when emotions (yours or the other person’s) have permeated the communication process?
- Do you feel the need to express your opinion(s) forcefully? Or, do you express your opinion(s) with hesitation, wondering how they will be accepted by the other(s)?
- Do you tend to interrupt the other person because you feel you know the point they are trying to make, and want to save time? Do you often feel that others are interrupting you?
- Are you waiting for the other person to finish so that you can speak, and not really aware of your own inner tension that makes you be like that?
- Do you tend to be focused on your point, or what your preoccupations, opinions or contributions are, so that you don’t really allow much silence?
- Do you have to consciously stop yourself from wanting to speak, so that there can be some silence?
- Do you find that you are easily distracted from the conversation? Find it difficult to focus on the flow and the process of exchange?
- Are you able to hold a diversity of perspectives simultaneously or just focus on one? Do you feel impatient to find THE right answer?
Our defenses are very subtle, and may even be working under the guise of being an effective communicator. Revisit your notes whenever you come across an experience of communication that is not satisfying or fulfilling and look for new insights..is there a defense that has been hidden until now? Your first step is to uncover obstacles to true listening and improved communication will become clearer as you work with your insights from your answers in the questions above or in the experience of staying aware in communication with others.
We’ve explored these obstacles to listening with hundreds of people, and we discovered that it is not about trying to change or fix your own behavior patterns. It is about observation and allowing the insights to change you. This process is most effective when it takes place in an intimate, safe, small group setting with experienced facilitators to help you observe, and to have insights that allow a natural emergence from your defenses, conditioning and patterns.
From listening to hundreds of people, we developed ‘Noumedynamic Dialogue’ (the foundation of the practitioner-patient relationship), to help individuals release their defenses and enter into deeper relationship. We’re now offering this course option to the general public so that everyone can join a very small group of like-minded people who want to shed their defenses and experience more depth and connection in their relationships in the next offering of Noumedynamic Dialogue.
It’s a required course for the in-person MICH programs, but can be taken even if you’re an online or independant student, so why not come with a friend or partner, and have the experience together? Register here, or through the link below.
Our FREE online e-training provides weekly reminders of the reality of greater wholeness, the majesty and wonder of life, and moments of awe – sign up here
Judyann McNamara – ND, DHom, CCH
Originally a physicist and biomedical researcher, Judyann has had a clinical practice for over 15 years, has held conferences since 1984 and has been a teacher of courses in physics, health sciences, homeopathy, holism and spirituality since 1975. To learn more about Judyann, visit her profile page in our Professional Directory or click here to read more posts by Judyann.